when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
