so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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