I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
