Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
