i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
