she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
