All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
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