she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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