my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
