i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
