i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
