but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
