My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
