I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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