The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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