I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
