dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
