I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
