I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
