I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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