I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
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