I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
