Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
