i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
