I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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