I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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