do herpes really smell.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
