Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
