Got a toothbrush?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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