I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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