Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
A+ Viking dick
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
