Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
