Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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