hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
