Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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