"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
