hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
