3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
