nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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