dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
