Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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