You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
