Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
