I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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