Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
