This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
