My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
