I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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