Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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