Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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