he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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